We all do things from time to time that just don’t seem like us. In that space we seem out of control in some way. We blow up, but then the dust settles and we go one of three ways:

We deny it – ‘it wasn’t my fault, it was X, Y, Z or A, B C’

We rationalise it – ‘it wasn’t that bad, no-one cares, no-one saw, I said what they thought’

We feel guilty about it – ‘I hope they still like me/love me/employ me’

But what if our actions were in fact, totally in character. What if our momentarily destructive behaviour was actually us? Is this too unpalatable?

One of the Great Illusions of Our Time (hereafter known as #GIT) is that we must somehow strive to be good, right, perfect and strong, even though we might often feel far removed from these things. This Illusion feeds the notion that there is a norm of human behaviour, and anything that deviates from this norm proves that there is something wrong with us, that someone else must fix.

The truth is, of course, far simpler, and it is this:

THE SECRET TO BEING GOOD IS TO OCCASIONALLY BE BAD – under the strict rules of harming no one, being only a little bad, and keeping it well under control.

So, if we act like an idiot, it does not mean that we are an idiot. If we act like an arse – by doing or saying something that we know is wrong – then we can come back from it. If we break down, we can get back up again.

In truth, we always know, in the moment, what is right and wrong behaviour. The difficulty lies in facing this truth, especially when what we know that what we should do conflicts with the role that we are playing. But if we harbour negative thoughts or display destructive behaviours then we must face them, squarely and honestly, and let them out early on. It serves no one for resentments and regrets to fester, for nothing ever disappears and hatred only ever grows in the darkness. Medication and therapy rarely offer solutions, for they frequently begin with the Great Illusion that something is wrong that can be fixed.

If we are angry, feel slighted or marginalised, or even suicidal, then we should say so. We might be surprised how many others feel the same way. We should – within the safe rules – break a plate, slam a door, or more. It is vital to release our anger and resentment. What is this angst and twist doing to our body, mind and soul when we do not face it?

For the greatest illusion of all is to expect that we should always be happy.